Meet Me Under The Covers

We were supposed to discuss our first book club title Suway Music today.

I am under the weather, but would like to know if anyone is done besides me and Sharingcher?

Do we need more time?

Let me know and we'll chat later, thanks!

 

This post is not to insult anyone, including the Amish, it is to poke fun at ourselves......and yes to tap into our childish behavior.

The world is very serious right now and sometimes we need a little escape and to laugh at ourselves.

 

Please be patient, this takes just an Amish minute..wait to scroll to watch video

 

Turn Up Ye Speakers & Rock To

"AMISH PARADISE TOP 10 REASONS WHY NOT TO BE AMISH

(so make up ye mind before entering)

 

 

10. You start what you think is a really good Amish blog and your only visitors are Hutterites (amish).

9. You are met with cold stares while attempting to discuss the latest episode of “The Naked Sopranos” with the Elders.

8. You kind of enjoy “being out among them English Sinners”.

7. You’ve eschewed the traditional Amish beard for a “Mullet”.

6. You continually violate The Ordnung by reading the "Amish Twilight Zone" post outloud at worship.

5. You sew shiny buttons on your shirt in a vain attempt to get shunned.

4. Yours is the only Horse Buggy in Lancaster County aka Intercourse, PA with airbrushed flames on the side.

3. Your Pacifism keeps interfering with your desire to become a Rap Star.

2. You skip Eli Van Dorn’s Barn Raising to watch “Home Improvement” reruns at your Mennonite neighbor’s house.

1. Plain just doesn’t cut it anymore.

 

 

THE AMISH TWILIGHT ZONE WILL BE UPDATED ALL WEEKEND

Tis a Blog Marathon Par-Tay!

If you have anything you would like to add, just leave a comment and I will post it through out the weekend.  It's a joint effort.

 

 

 

 

Hosted by Chandabear and Lucy

 

 

 

 

Jump on the Amish Band Wagon

(err buggy)

 

 

Welcome to the Amish Twilight Zone

(put on your 3-D glasses now)

 

Chandabear and I were discussing our fears one day and we both agreed we were afraid of electricity.

So, we have decided to give up blogging & electricity and join those crazy cats called the Amish. 

Actually, we decided on solar powered, battery operated laptops.  Let's not get too crazy!

 

 

 

We will be getting fitted for our lovely bonnets any day now.

 

 

 

Chanda said she may have untapped skills of being able to milk a cow???

 

 

 

Apparently Pioneer & Friends have some milking experience also.

 

 

 

I don't have any such skills.  I prefer taunting the Amish boys on my scooter with my sexy garb & come hither look. 

 

 

So, I suggested to her we should work on being The Amish Entertainment, an Amish duo called

"I Wish I Was Amish"

Chanda &  I rocking our Amish Ass's off.... 

(tour dates to be announced shortly)

 

 

 

New Recruits & Members:

Please tell us what skill you will bring to our little branched off Amish community.

 

Kitcat - Churner Of Thy Sinful Butta

 

Colo - Driver Of Ye Manless Buggy

 

 

Heather - Baker Of Thy Amish Hashish Bread

Me thinkest thou hast been ingesting l tar quas. ties of Amish weed! I am on an Amish holiday this weekend with the (gasp) l wnmower and shovel. Thou wilst have to makest do with temporary rags and dos until I return. May thy hangovers be tame and temporary.

 

 

Whit - Trainer Of Ye Horses - aka Amish Mechanic

 

 

Girl Preacher -  Ye Duct Tape Seamstress & Quilter

Also Preacher to the Crazy Masses of yee

 

 

Ashley's Mom - The Highest Honor -  Making Of Ye Amish Wine to....... Insure a Good Time!

 

 

 

Godseeker - Ye Necessity -  Maker Of Thee Amish Candles So to See Thy Sinners Better at Night Doing the Amish No No ...aghast.

Alas, I've made a safe return from "Ye Golden Arches"! I've brought Big Macs with (extra pickles) for everyone! Though I sappose I must speaketh with the Elders before I resume my candle-dipping. I pray that I won't be shunned for leaving my post in search of "Two all beef patties special sauce lettuce cheese pickles &onions on a sessame seed bun"!

 

 

 

Scratch - Ye Old Amish Dewormer ????

 

 

Rita - Ye Knitter Of Thee Dick Coverings (From Walmart) to Keep thy Men's Thangs Warm in the Winter - Please see Rita to be sized

 

 

Moonsilver - Keeper of the Caldron of Spiders,  Eye of Newt & Such for Casting Spells on Outsiders

Darn it. I missed another good party, didn't I? I was too sick to be Amish today, sorry guys. Guess all those demons and ghosts of Amish pasts have caught up to me. Shoot, pass me that bottle of eye of newt and those snake eggs and a little of that wolf's bane there. I'll mix up a little something to fixeth this wench real goodly, I will. That's right, this broom don't need no fricking lec-trisity! Who's in charge of the caldron and the fire pit? I need me a rip roaring fire for this one, Brothers and Sistas!

 

 

 

Sharingcher - RN With the "Good Stuff"

(Amish Weed) & Keeper of thy Cattle

 

 

Puppy - Dress Maker - Blame Her for the Attire....

 

 

 

HisQueen - Ye Royal Back Scratching Body Slamer & Overseer of Body Shots at Ye Pub

 

 

 

Misty - She has pledged and taken oath to keep the crops healthy and keep the weed (stash) under control.

I hath began the sowing of the Sensimilillianth seed. Thy Amish Country shall beith at peace.

 

 

 

Ice - Ye ol "Judgeship" of course.....

I seek the office of "Justice of the Piece".... as I can be the one to settle disputes and marry you all & make sure you use the correct Amish pick up lines as listed below.

 

 

The Prankster - Bush Wacker and..... All That Implies

  An honor it is but do I have to sport the ZZ Top look?

I can get us those hand cranked PCs from India to use, they also got radios and flash lights, no batteries needed. You just shake the device and it derives energy from something inside that moves around and what not. They also have wireless routers with cranks and other Amish tech...

 

 

 

Mum - Ye Shoe Maker - Who Has the Best View of The Amish Penile?

 

 

 

Belle - Sexpert - aka Dr. Amish Ruthless

The first class will be for the men folk- "How to find it and What to do when you get there"

 

 

 

Kristin -  Ye Swatter of Flies, Finder of Nightcrawlers & Chaperon - off the Courting

(I think that I have a chastity belt around here somewhere...)

 

 

Notmeg - Ye Town Ditz - Not to be confused with the Village Idiot

 

 

 

Kelly J. - Ye Mid-wife and Ye-Step-In-Wife, when Amish Wife is not in the mood.

She will help to deliver the dozen or so babies that they each have!  And keep thy Amish Men Happy !

 I want to be the SENIOR midwife! I will send the junior midwives out on the night time deliveries. I am not interested in working at night anymore, unless under the quilts. So, after sundown, if they want a midwife, they had better turn that buggy around and head on down the road to the junior midwives place!

 

 

 

 

Lover2 - Ye Teacher of the Seldom Sex, but always manages to Procreate !

 

 

 

Giwlegs - I Will Be Ye Lighthouse Keeper! 

Psssst....We will indulge Gloria with this request, since we are inland and have no electricity to LIGHT THE LIGHTHOUSE.

I think this so called "light house" is a "front" for some frowned upon un-Amish like activ ties.

I will check it out, report and of course will not indulge.......wink, wink

 

 Captain Morgan - Although Marc is keeper of thy communications and valley, he requires an expert to consult and thy Captain was 1st choice.
Chief Engineer he shall assume.

 Please address him as - "Chief Inventor Of All Things Amish"

Words from the captain:

"Raise your hands to the skies and give me a big AMEN! (oops.... I sorta slid into a gospel thing......I'm listening to a gospelesque kind of tune called "Got Them Red Hot Skillet-Lick'n Blues") But I digress.
Listen closely all my Amish Nippersinkers...... Captain Morgan has devised an entirely self-contained form of electrification without the electricity! Amazing, but true. All lamps will now be powered by the magic of methane. All cooking will occur with the magic of methane. Ain't science grand??? Once more, from the bowels of Captain Morgan's Workshop....(where else would methane come from??)"

ChandaBear:
There you have it my amish friends. Farting permitted only when the captain has assembled his contraption device and hooked to thy butts. Please make your appointment as soon as possible. We can't be wasting gas (especially in this day and age) 

 

Jana - Thy keeper of the house of ill repute

 

 

Biggie-T -  Ye Pig Slayer & Raiser of ye Barn

aka Par-Tay Planner

 

Uh, oh, looks like Biggie-T is in some serious trouble!

 

AMISH TWILIGHT ZONE PUBLIC LIBRARY OVERDUE NOTICES

Listings in bold have been designated as significantly overdue, and have been sent to our collections department. Click here to resolve your account.

Name	Book Title/s	Due Date	Fine
T, Biggie	Impressive Toilet Seats Instructional: Coloring Between the Lines Scratch 'n Sniff - Molds	1-28-2002 3-14-2002 9-28-2002	$15.38 $12.40 $5.25

 

Biggie - Hey...I returned those!!!!

I did forget to return my copies of "Milkmaids Gone Wild" and, though, teets and ass!

 

Lucy - Uh, is this approved reading material T ???

 

 

 

Marc - Ye Old Keeper Of The Canyon- Watchdog Of Our New Cultish Amish, Wine Drinking, Battery Powered, Laptop Community

 

 

 

Marc's Oath:

I will be happy to watch over, and maybe even enter, all the canyons and gorgeses. I will dutifully ensure that no electricity makes it past my post.

I must also burden myself with one other task, and that is to find an alternative to electricity. We will need something (I may need slaves) to generate the power to operate our blogstream, make guitars loud enough to feel in the back row and a way to power my security screening machines so that no batteries or other electrical equipment is smuggled into our land! ...batteries are considered electricity or they not?..

 

 

 

Marc's Slaves

(we still need more recruits)

Tis to generate thy energy.....

 

Only Requirements: Must be good looking

 

 Buffalo Rob - Our first Volunteer Slave, an oxymoron perhaps?

 

 

Marc - I think I have located my assistants. Our power stations will be driven by multi-bicycle stations manned by the boyz in da 'hood - yo. It was purely by accident that I came upon this glorious method!

 

 

 

GirlPreacher on Electricity:

POST # 1

 

OUR NEXT BOOK CLUB SELECTION

I have decided I would choose all memoirs for book club selections, since this, in essence, is what we are all doing here; whether directly or in crypt.

I hope you can all join in the next selection titled, "The Glass Castle" by Jeanette Walls.

Try to obtain it soon, so we can all enjoy the adventure together.

Like I said, summer weather is coming and we will spending more and more time outdoors and less and less time blogging.  This is an opportunity to at least meet once a week to discuss and share our thoughts & keep in touch.  Please join us - "Meet Me Under The Covers Book Club".

We will be discussing "Subway Music" this Monday, our current book.  If you haven't gotten the book yet, it is not too late. I read it in two days, just 166 quick pages about a man's journey to his childhood home.  The author just happens to be my step-father's cousin. 

I can relate to the story since it references where I grew up; Lyndhurst, NJ (all Italian Catholics) and the very same home I currently spend time in during the summer in Point Pleasant, NJ on the beach.  As you know CH is from Cuba but enjoyed his childhood in Brooklyn NY which I have visited often since I have met him.  It's like a whole different world in Brooklyn.

 

 

The Glass Castle

Freelance writer Walls doesn't pull her punches. She opens her memoir by describing looking out the window of her taxi, wondering if she's "overdressed for the evening" and spotting her mother on the sidewalk, "rooting through a Dumpster."

Walls's parents—just two of the unforgettable characters in this excellent, unusual book—were a matched pair of eccentrics, and raising four children didn't conventionalize either of them.

Her father was a self-taught man, a would-be inventor who could stay longer at a poker table than at most jobs and had "a little bit of a drinking situation," as her mother put it. With a fantastic storytelling knack, Walls describes her artist mom's great gift for rationalizing. Apartment walls so thin they heard all their neighbors? What a bonus—they'd "pick up a little Spanish without even studying." Why feed their pets? They'd be helping them "by not allowing them to become dependent."

While Walls's father's version of Christmas presents—walking each child into the Arizona desert at night and letting each one claim a star—was delightful, he wasn't so dear when he stole the kids' hard-earned savings to go on a bender.

The Walls children learned to support themselves, eating out of trashcans at school or painting their skin so the holes in their pants didn't show. Buck-toothed Jeannette even tried making her own braces when she heard what orthodontia cost.

One by one, each child escaped to New York City. Still, it wasn't long before their parents appeared on their doorsteps.

"Why not?" Mom said. "Being homeless is an adventure."

 

 

Jeannette Walls spends most of her time digging up dirt on other people's lives. As the gossip columnist for MSNBC.com, Walls tracks down the latest rumors about Britney Spears' marriage, Michael Jackson's peccadilloes and the latest target on the PETA hit list.

But her road to celebrity gossip columnist was tougher than any angry call she'd ever received from an enraged publicist.

In her autobiography, released this week by Scribner, Walls reveals a sad and sometimes tragic childhood that few but her closest friends knew about.

In the opening pages of “The Glass Castle,” Walls recalls watching someone else do a little digging — her mother, searching through a garbage dumpster in lower Manhattan.

Walls wastes little time unveiling the dichotomy that is her life — a high-profile Park Avenue reporter with a  unconventional and often tragic past that followed her from the hollows of West Virginia to Manhattan.

 

 

 

 

 

Okay, okay  we all got a big laugh at the mess I made of my blog last night.

You were all too FUNNY at my expense.

 

Thanks for the support!

 

 

A big hug for Pioneer for helping me, he manually went in and deleted the post for me.

Thank you so much Pioneer, I was in panic mode !  You're the best !

 

 

I guess I have to read my Blogging for Dummies book again

 

Pioneer wants to wash my mouth out with soap

 

 Topaz's gave me a dunce hat to wear and stand in the corner

oops....

 

And to make matters worse, I am advocating L. Ron Hubbard (Scientology) in my ad above

I need a drink

 

 

 

and the moral of the story is.......

Don't Fool Around With Stuff You Are Not Sure About Kids!

I was messing around with "codes" to add video to my blog and obviously screwed it up.

I can't seem to delete the last post, so lower your speakers (profanity) until Pioneer can help me with that one......I am in blog hell here !

The sound is on a loop and I have lost everything to the right on my post.

If anyone can assist me, please do.

Thanks

 

PIONEER WHERE ARE YOU ?????

 

HELP !

 

SOS !

 

SEND RATIONS !

 

I'M STRANDED IN BLOG HELL !!

 

WHY ME?

 

A FREE BEER FOR ANYONE WHO CAN HELP LUCY !

 

YO, IS ANYONE THERE?

 

I SWEAR, I NEVER KICKED A DOG IN MY LIFE!

 

STOP LAUGHING!