MY TV DEBUT

Many years ago when I was a new mother, I was watching a local tv show.  It was kinda like a Regis and Kelly show format...

As I sat with my baby & smelling of spit up, no shower and exhausted from an all night feeding, something caught my eye.

ARE YOU A NEW MOM?

WOULD YOU LIKE A MAKE OVER?

What prompted me to do what I did next, I don't know.....lack of sleep?  Temporary insanity?

Back in the stone age, we didn't have email and we were just a small step up from smoke signals.  So, I grabbed a pen and paper and spilled my guts.....I had a career in Manhattan before I had my baby, I need a shower, it's raining out side, how do you make a good pot roast, can you look at this growth forming on my neck? 

I don't know what I said...

Well, the producers took sympathy on my pathetic plea and called me up several months later. 

Would you like to be on the show? 

Ummmm, I guess, yeah okay. 

I had forgotten about THE letter.

So off I go to the Plaza in New York for my two day make over.

In the eighties us girls all had perms and BIG hair...they took that away immeditaly.  I tend to think if I had straight hair they would have permed it.  Okay, now I have straight hair, no biggie at least they didn't cut it all off.

They did my makeup...oh my!  When I looked in the mirror, I didn't recognize myself !  An inch of makeup - yuk!  And eye shadow?  All I was use to was the dark black eye liner that would out line my eyes, mascara and lipstick.  Oh yeah and blush or rouze (spelling)  as we called it back then.

Now here is the sad part of my story....wouldn't you know it, I woke up with a fever sore the size of Rhode Island on my bottom lip that morning....of course with the 'Before Shot'...they zoned in on that to gain sympathy for this new mommy.

They then went on to my clothes...again being in the 80's all I knew were tight jeans...they gave me these crazy huge trousers with a plain white blouse.  To accent the look they gave me ugly chunky costume jewlery...SO not me.  Give me gold, give me diamonds!

So, I walk onto set and they introduce me to the audience before hand with my BEFORE pix, big hair, tight jeans and a HUGE FEVER SORE....next it was the beautified AFTER shot....yuck.

The only saving grace is when the nanny came out with my daughter.  She had on a beautiful lacy white and pink dress (my daughter, not the nanny) with a huge pink bow in her hair, I mean HUGE...hey, like I said it was the 80's.

I was the last mother in the group of five to be presented on stage.  As I watched off camera, the nanny came on and presented the babies to the mothers and then walked off.

With me, it became a tug of war...you should have seen my face!  Give me my baby !!  I guess the nanny wanted her air time too!

My daughter grabbed the microphone from the host and promptly put it in her mouth as the audience oooooohed and ahhhhhed.

Yes I have it on tape!

No, I didn't get to keep the clothes...thank goodness.

I went home & promptly changed into my tight jeans and did up my BIG 80's hair again.

 

Since my 'debut' I often go to tapings of tv shows in NY...The View, Ricki Lake and The People's Court as well as the show I mentioned before which was called People Are Talking and later changed to The Richard Bey Show.

I got it all down pat....never wear black or white if you want to be on camera, wear bright clothing.  If you are feeling a bit bloated, by all means wear black.  I also carefully study the seating of the audience ahead of time so I know where to sit to get in the shot and when they ask a question of the audience, my hand goes right up.....once I gave a speech on minorites in the workplace. (I had recently done an essay on it for college - so I got to use some big words that were fresh in my memory)  Also, you must have BIG - EXAGERRATED expressions on your face as to what is going on in the show.  Gasp, laugh hard and shake your head a lot.  The camera loves to zoom in on that.  So practicing in front of a mirror is highly recommended.

I guess I feel this is my reward for debuting on a show and not looking the way I wanted to.  I get air time....MY WAY now!

I always drag at least three other people with me and they always crack up with my antics.  The last time we went to a taping was for the People's Court and I convinced everyone that we should speak only with British accents....I made up a list of what Londoners would say visiting NY and quizzed them on the way into the city.

Tally ho, bloody, a spot of tea, where's Ringo, Excuse me - where can I find the loo & God Save the Queen !!  etc...

This is Life with Lucy....

Question Tuesday

(this is one of my favorites)

Randomly pick 5 CD's from your collection without peeking and let us know what they are...mine are:

1- Willie Nelson - Super Hits

2 - Bowie - Changes 

3 - Billy Joel - The Essential

4 - AM Gold - The Early 70's

5 - The Carpenters - Singles 1969-1973

 

I would also like to wish a belated birthday to some very special people !  Click their links below...

MARY

LADY LOUISE

&

PIONEER

 

Please say a prayer for the children.....

NICKEL MINES, Pennsylvania (Oct. 3) - Two more of the girls shot in a massacre at their Amish schoolhouse died early Tuesday, raising the death toll to six - five children and the 32-year-old gunman, who apparently was spurred by a decades-old grudge.

Click here for the updated story : STORY

The Sunday Blogger Inquirer is proud to present Chanda Bear interviews Captain Morgan and Chey His Queen

Welcome to Edgewood Estates.  Sorry about the dog slobber and cussing bird.  Want something to drink?

Not to worry, Chanda.  We've got two amazing fur kids at home and the cussing bird makes me feel right at home.  Sort've like being in Captain Morgan's workshop when he's busy devising the world's next great invention.

Chey, you should have packed up the fur kids and brought them along.  Maybe next time.  My famous biscuits and gravy are underway so just about the time you've got a nice buzz going we should be ready to eat.

I'll leave the biscuits and gravy to the Captain, Chanda. I'm more of a fruit and whole wheat toast kind of breakfast.  I would suggest hurrying with breakfast though.  It might be sufficient to divert the Captain's fascination with your antique dental chair.

I know he does seem to having a good time playing with the dentist chair. Maybe when the time is right I could ask him to the get the drill motor fixed.

There are a couple of rules around here that we should discuss, but it seems the Captain has already got down the first rule. You need to make yourself at home. You're responsible for refilling your own drinks.  Don't ask to use the bathroom and if you need to drop the kids off at the pool in there, please notify the rest of us so there aren't any smelly surprises.

Any qualms or questions?

Sounds wonderful to me. We love it here and you've made the Captain and me feel right at home. Oh oh.  I....uh.....well....it seems one of the Captain's gnomes just took a dump on your neighbor's porch.

No worries about the neighbor's porch.  We are used to finding all kinds of surprises on our porches around here. 

So we're at the one week mark of smoke-free (unless one of you is cheating).  Any bodily harm done to each other so far?

Well.....there has been some incredibly rough sex, but neither of us seems to be any the worse for wear.  As you know, the Captain's fond of insisting he's amazingly durable.

Chey, this man of yours is quite the prankster.  Does he
inflict any of this behavior on you?

He does have an amazing propensity for instigating mischief.  But then I have an amazing propensity for chasing him down and using him to practice some of my better wrestling holds.

I can only imagine what a playful Sunday afternoon brings around the Ponderosa.

You both have quite the colorful past. Living in a vacant commercial building, your days involved in pro wrestling and tales of the Hitchcock Railway.

I'm interested to know what one thing stands out in your minds as a crazy or interesting experience.

Oh wow!  There are so many memories, it's really hard to pick one. I s'pose encountering ghosts for the first time in the building we lived and worked in was prob'ly as memorable as any. Well that and some of the crazy stunts some of the wrestlers pulled off.

Heh! Yea! Like the time Christi shoved an oversize sex toy in her briefs, leaving part of it exposed just enough to catch the camera operator's attention.  I thought he was gonna fall over when he saw her.  Damn!  I wish he'd caught that on tape.  It'd be a delightful addition to our collection of bloopers and insane moments.

That is hilarious!  A large blown up picture of that to hang on the dining room wall.  Now that is art!

If I were to head up to the Ponderosa and turn on the tele, what channel or network would it be on?

H'mmm. Well, first you'd want to wipe it down. There'd prob'ly be a thick layer of dust all over it.  We rarely watch television and it mostly gathers dust.  But...I s'pose it might be on the weather channel or maybe the Discovery Channel.

 Captain, as I expected, your chuckle is very Santa-like. Ever consider dressing as Santa and pulling some of your little pranks on kids?

Pranks? The old captain pulling pranks? Oh my!
Well.....maybe now and then. But more likely I'd dress as an oversize elf and perpretrate all manner of mischief on adults. Yes. I'd have to say my pranks are FAR better suited to adults.

But then I did once organze an amazing Sled-A-Thon.  We tied a few thousand sleds together end-to-end and dragged the whole procession around for three days with the neighbor's garden tractor. The only reason we stopped was 'cause the tractor got stuck in the snow. It was retrieved by spring as I recall.  Man!  Was the neighbor ever pissed!  No sense of humor at all.

Uptight neighbors suck! May I say thanks for leaving the
gurgling Penis Pump at home and I really appreciate that you hauled this big penis statue across the country as a gift. 

Do tell. Are there any experiments or new statues underway at the Ponderosa?

I'm delighted that you like your new lawn ornament. It's amazing how the ambience improves with the addition of a magnificent sex organ among the flowers and shrubs.

I am busy with a delightful new device which should fit in nicely with the upcoming election season.  As many of you know, the Ponderosa sits next to an interstate freeway.  This affords us
all manner of opportunities to communicate with the motoring public.

Now I'm busy constructing a tower next to the freeway with a giant hand at the top. There's a sign encouraging motorists to honk if their Republican.  When they do, the giant hand at the top of the tower flashes them an amazing one-finger salute.  All of this has absolutely no political significance, but it does make me feel better.

Captain, I know you rarely work on anything less than REALLY BIG, but if you decide to make this say, hood ornament size, let me know.  My fingers get so tired when driving on the freeways around here.  Automate the process, I say.

So Chey, are you the creative support behind these "projects"?  Are you right next to the Captain, hammering away, or do you just shake your head and pretend you know nothing?

Actually some of the Captain's projects have proven to be absolutely delightful. The vibrating toilet seat is amazing and the vaseline heater has been indispensable.  But then other times I admit to nothing and demand proof.

Captain, please tell me about your successful ant farm
liberation.  Did you show up in camo gear with tiny escape route maps and a hard hat? Or was it just a spur of the moment liberation?

I'm big on spontaneous. And the great ant farm liberation was just such.  I spent a little time watching the poor things toiling away in the confines of the glass and wood enclosure and it just seemed like my duty to nature to turn the little nippers free.

I am sure they were all delighted at your arrival.

Chey, I understand you believe in ghosts. Got any running around the Ponderosa hiding your milk in the cabinets and the cereal in the fridge?

They are mischievous but lately it seems they've taken to tormenting the cats mostly. The Captain and I have decided to harness their limitless energy and convince them to do the household chores for us. So far it hasn't worked, but we remain hopeful.

Great idea.  Let me know if you get the training technique down.  I would buy that book. 

We've been here for some time now. Suppose the gnomes back home have disassembled anything? Or do you gander they do nothing more than put their bare butts on your pillows when you're away?

It's highly likely they've once again dismantled the
lawnmower.  And they're prob'ly antagonizing one another with the weed-eater.  As you can see they're amazingly resourceful.

Colgate or Crest?

Well, the dogs prefer Crest, I'm pretty much comfortable with either and the Captain's strictly an Efferdent kind of guy.

Captain, when you clip your toenails are you polite enough to dispose of the clippings or do you just leave them, hoping nobody will step on one and get a puncture wound?

Heh!  Well Chanda, tough old sea captains don't clip their toenails.  Hell no.  It's strictly hammer and chisel.  And let the pieces land where they will.

Chey, is he telling the truth here?

He is!  Amazing, but true.

What would be your ideal vacation or break from life?

H'mmm.  I s'pose cruising around the Carribean in an old sailing sloop, or hang'n out in a secluded Italian Villa.

I think I'd like the Italian Villa.  With a big bed and a good view of the ocean.

What's in your CD player back at the Ponderosa?

Oh wow!  I'm not really sure.  The Captain surprises me with all kinds of stuff.  The last I remember was some tunes recorded by the Squirrel Nut Zippers and a track or two of some delightfully obscene phone calls.

And the required question - five bloggers you'd like to meet and why.  I suppose since I'm interviewing two people you could do a sum of ten. (but don't tell Lucy that was my idea.)

*flashing a disarming pout*

Only five?  Wow.  That's just not possible.  But...here goes.

PRANK and SCRATCH for sure.  They're both way cool, way
funny and would be fun to get to know in person.

And STRIDER.  He's a really interesting guy and would be great to have a conversation with.

And of course, my "sis" KK TAYLOR and POLAR BEAR 'cause we've shared some of life's toughest experiences and came out stronger and better than before.

Five huh? H'mmm.

Well, definitely PRANK 'cause we've both got an amazingly warped sense of humor.

SCRATCH for sure 'cause we share a lot of the same views of the world as we see it.

And SIX.  Definitely, would love to share some music and conversation with her.

And KRISTIN.  I can't think of anyone I'd rather share funny stories with than her.

And BIG DEAN.  It'd be fun to reminisce about the wrestling business with him.

Is there a favorite phrase you try to use as often as possible?  Care to share what that is?

I have a few, but they're nowhere NEAR as colorful as the Captain's so I'll let him respond to this.

Well now, let's see.  There are so many, I hardly know where to begin.  Let's list them in order of preference:

1- Suck me off with a breast pump! (Denotes considerable surprise or amazement.)

2- More balls than a bearing factory. (Suggests an amazing amount of courage.)

3- Shit a wheatie. (Definition of someone shocked by a particular turn of events.)

4 - Wang dang doodle of a time. (Unbridled fun and frolic.)

My belly is starting to hurt from all the laughter.  Thanks for playing.  I had a great time.

Thanks for inviting us, Chanda.  It's really been fun.... Oh! Well!  It appears the Captain's found something to replace the broken drill motor on your antique dental chair.

*grinning proudly as he drags a huge crate into the living room*

Well here it is!  This oughta be enough engine to power your dental drill, pump all the rain water your collection barrels can hold and STILL generate enough electricity to keep you lit up all night long.

ARCHIVES

Click on any of the articles below and that will bring you to the post page & interview.

LUCY INTERVIEWS PEACHY - May 2 - Issue # 1

MUM INTERVIEWS PRANK - May 28 - Issue # 2

PRANK INTERVIEWS SIX - June 4 - Issue # 3

 

SIX INTERVIEWS BIGGIE T - June 18 - Issue # 4

 

BELLE INTERVIEWS RANDY - July 9 - Issue # 5

 

ICE INTERVIEWS COLO - July 16 - Issue # 6

 

COLO INTERVIEWS DAISY - July 23 - Issue # 7

 

DAISY INTERVIEWS PUPPY - July 30 - Issue # 8

 

PUPPY INTERVIEWS SCRATCH - Aug 6 - Issue # 9

 

RANDY INTERVIEWS KRISTIN - Aug 13 - Issue # 10

 

KRISTIN INTERVIEWS MR. HAPPY - Aug 27 - Issue # 11

 

RE KNOWLTON III INTERVIEWS MOKIE JOE - Sept 3 - Issue # 12

 

MOKIE JOE INTERVIEWS RE KNOWLTON III - Sept 10 - Issue # 13

 

MR HAPPY INTERVIEWS CAPTAIN MORGAN - Sept 18 - Issue # 14

 

Ooops, I skipped one...I will post it next Sunday

 

CHANDA INTERVIEWS THE CAPTAIN AND CHEY - Oct 1 - Issue # 16

OVERHEARD IN THE STREAM

This week's staff of spies:

Bam Bam, FBI Girl, Looselips & Head Dick: Sherlock's Sister

If you have big ears and would like to become a staff member....please PM a quote to me with a secret spy name included...it will be added in next week's edition of OVERHEARD...thanks!

*A special thank you to Colo for contributing the great graphics !*

Now, I'm out of gravy and I'm tired and my nipples are sore. RANDY

Is that "smelly ass" cheese...or smelly "ass cheese"? I would think those are very different. BIGGIE T

I don't know T....you have to ask Lucy on that one....it's her cheese and her ass. BELLE

I would appreciate it if anyone could find out what he intends to do with a friggin' shoehorn...! BELLE

Oh, we'll giggle alright, MB......and while you and Arby are playing Halo and killing aliens, you'll be driving yourself NUTS wondering what
we're giggling ABOUT! PRISONER OF HOPE

Yeah man, I used to "doodle" tits....WHIT

Hmmm..... what a revelation that was, lol. ICE

To balance my work with my personal life, I take the zen approach of having no friends and doing no work. Hence, the perfect balance. I used to read, but it's faster to make up stuff.

BOB H Quoting Wally from Dilbert

So here's what I'm gonna do. I’m going to call my travel agent and see when time travel will become available to the masses. As soon as it becomes affordable, I’ll stick a sports almanac in my DeLorean - go back to the 50s – bet on all the games – and become a multi-billionaire. And as soon as I'm rich enough, I'll hire Bugsy Siegel to knock off baseball legend Joe DiMaggio AND playwright Arthur Miller...so I can make 'whoopee' to Marilyn Monroe every night. MOKIE JOE

OVERHEARD IN THE STREAM

 

This week's staff of spies:

Bam Bam, FBI Girl, Looselips & Head Dick: Sherlock's Sister

If you have big ears and would like to become a staff member....please PM a quote to me with a secret spy name included...it will be added in next week's edition of OVERHEARD...thanks!

*A special thank you to Colo for contributing the great graphics !*

 

Now, I'm out of gravy and I'm tired and my nipples are sore.  RANDY

Is that "smelly ass" cheese...or smelly "ass cheese"?  I would think those are very different.  BIGGIE T

I don't know T....you have to ask Lucy on that one....it's her cheese and her ass.  BELLE

I would appreciate it if anyone could find out what he intends to do with a friggin' shoehorn...!  BELLE

 

Oh, we'll giggle alright, MB......and while you and Arby are playing Halo and killing aliens, you'll be driving yourself NUTS wondering what
we're giggling ABOUT!  PRISONER OF HOPE

Yeah man, I used to "doodle" tits....WHIT

Hmmm..... what a revelation that was, lol.  ICE

 

To balance my work with my personal life, I take the zen approach of having no friends and doing no work. Hence, the perfect balance. I used to read, but it's faster to make up stuff.

BOB H Quoting Wally from Dilbert

 

So here's what I'm gonna do.  I’m going to call my travel agent and see when time travel will become available to the masses.  As soon as it becomes affordable, I’ll stick a sports almanac in my DeLorean -  go back to the 50s – bet on all the games – and become a multi-billionaire.  And as soon as I'm rich enough, I'll hire Bugsy Siegel to knock off baseball legend Joe DiMaggio AND playwright Arthur Miller...so I can make 'whoopee' to Marilyn Monroe every night.       MOKIE JOE