Lady Lee
Beyond The Dawn 

Hangin With
the Rednecks

Leeuna Foster

OCTOBER 2006 EDITION

Get Ready to Laugh

PLUS: Everything You Want to Know About
BEING SOUTHERN

 

 

 

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***an excerpt from the book***

The Morning Glory People

By Leeuna Foster

Oh my, how I envy those Morning Glory People.

They are the ones who wake up before the rooster crows, stretch like a cat, jump out of bed and into the shower and then into their clothes. 

In ten minutes tops they have the beds made and breakfast on the table. Five minutes later they're dancing out the door like Dorothy on her way to see the Wizard. I hate these people. I'm green with envy.

Me? It takes me longer than that to hear the alarm going off. I get out of bed looking like the female version of Kramer. On my good mornings I might have on one slipper. Trying not to stretch anything, I walk into the walls and bang my elbows on every door frame on the way to the kitchen. 

I always make the coffee at night because pouring a cup is about all I can manage in the mornings. (It's worth the bitter acid taste just to have it ready.)

When I was out in the work force, I always got out of bed one hour earlier than was necessary just so I would have some extra time to stumble around, and not talk to anyone or have a single thought. 

We have a rule in my house. Unless you are dying or the house is on fire, do not speak to me until I have had my coffee. I am incapable of speech or thought for at least thirty minutes, two cups of bitter coffee and a cigarette. (Yeup. That's ignorant I know, but I still smoke!)

My sister-in-law is a morning glory. I think if I went to her house at five o'clock in the morning, she would have already had her shower, her face would be made up and every hair would be in place. The beds would be made and she would have done 27 loads of laundry, dusted, vacuumed, washed the windows, rearranged the garbage, and be sitting on the back porch watching the sunrise while sipping her coffee.

Hubby once toyed with the idea of buying a small farm, complete with cows, pigs and chickens. 

"Wouldn't it be great being a farmer's wife?" he asked. "I can just picture us milking the cows, slopping the hogs and gathering fresh eggs early in the morning."

"How early?" I squealed.

"Way before sunrise" he answered, a twinkle in his eye.

After he broke open an ammonia capsule, waved it under my nose and brought me to, he told me he was just kidding.

What a relief! I don't milk anything except the jar of CoffeMate that early.

© 2006 Leeuna Foster

* * * * * 

Leeuna Foster is a Marketing Strategist, Author and Poet. Although she enjoys writing in all genres, her favorite is children's short stories.

Her work has appeared in ByLine Magazine, Modern Romances, Happiness Magazine, Grit, The Advocate, The Erwin Record and Johnson City Press Chronicle. Her books are available in print as well as in ebook form. Her poetry and children's fiction have won several national and regional awards.

She is also a syndicated author at www.ideamarketers.com , and has achieved Expert Author status at www.ezinearticles.com . 

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Click the links below to read more on Lady Lee:

INTERVIEW WITH LADY LEE

SOUTHERN FRIED WRITERS

THE WRITER'S BUZZ

THE SCRIBBLER INK

PUSH BUTTON PUBLISHING

THIGHWAY ROBBERY

AUTHOR'S DEN

LU LU WITH LEEUNA

HARD ROCK COUNTRY

3RD EYE WRITERS

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I personally found LADY LEE'S book hysterical ! 

Please click the link below to order the book....

 

ORDER HANGIN WITH THE REDNECKS

 

 

Sorry guys....all of my reporters quit on me, so no Inquirer today.

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speakers on !

I forgot to mention last Friday - the thirteenth was Mokie Joe's birthday....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOKIE JOE

Click HERE to wish him a belated happy birthday.

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A favor

It's been a very busy weekend, I promise, I'll be updating you all soon. I have a favor to ask of all of you. Right now, on Comedy Central, there is a live benefit going on for Autism. If at all possible, please check it out, watch it, and perhaps even donate if you can. It's got a lot of great comedians, and should be a prety funny night. The point behind it all is education for the general public. I'm thrilled they're doing this, so like I said, if you get Comedy Central, please check it out!! You can also watch at www.comedycentral.com. Thanks so much, Leslie

Posted by autismmom   A Special Request   For anyone who can get Comedy Central and for any who are not aware, the channel is running a comic relief style effort to benefit autism education and research. I encourage any who can to tune and be both educated and entertained. You can also tune in live on Comedy Central's website at: http://www.comedycentral.com/index.jhtml?rd=home Posted by MrOrnery1851

Katie Youric, Dustbunny, That Girl, Yellow Snow Patrol, Wild Cherry, Looselips & Sherlock's Sister

While a head swapping party sounds intriguing, I'm too busy right now training a beaver to sing!    Randy420

Most of us are quite normal - some of us are weird - I think I'm in the middle.   Lookinforlucy

Just goes to show you NEVER know what's in a haunted house.........might find just what we need in there.   Petra

And why do I get the feeling that I'm not in Kansas er...I mean Virginia anymore. Brrrrrr!!!   Mary Elizabeth

Joey said he had never seen a dog moonwalk before but Swedie definitely moonwalked.  Her legs were going forward but her body was moving backwards as fast as she could go.   kk Taylor cc

Get your drunk ass off the merry-go-round.   Nuttymomof6

I'm back...I'm still alznurse929...I think they need me!!   Alznurse929

I believe I could start a restaurant chain called 'Taints' with the advertising promotion: 'Can You Survive The Dining Experience?'

And the Japanese think they take chances with that particular fish delicacy that has to be prepared just so? Hah!

Taints would offer a menu with a 'Deadly Dish of the Day'. Could be the carrot juice, the beef, the spinach, the lettuce, the escargot ...

On second thought, I could just name the chain after the old tv show: You Bet Your Life.    Mr. Ornery

 

Holy sub-zero tempatures Batman, those kids are playing in the street!
Well my, young apprentace, we must go and teach these children a valuable lesson in saftey.
Let's go Batman.
Dun nun nun nun Batman!
WACK! BIFF! ZAM! KER-POW! ZACK!
Adam Warlock

Please God, let me NEVER go to prison.
or be a customs sniff dog.   Randy420

So drugs and big butt holes are bad! Okay, got it.  Big Shane

Oh, thanks for the dating advice!
But where does leg humping and panting fit in with all this?
Randy420

I think that there should finally be a scene where Bond and Mrs. Penny just drop all pretenses and resolve 30 years of near-misses right on her desk in the opening scene.
Seven is Darker

LKIJIJ !! P"OIJ:POU?BO::LBULYOIULF &^^%(&* L"KHLKULNN>KHUJYRTHR EW!@!!@#@F#ERH
Zappa Fan

I may not be certain as to who specifically put the chattering teeth in your shoes, but I am aware of Chaos Theory, and it is possible that I instigated the chain of events that lead to mechanized teeth in your shoes by means of unleashing the Nuclear Underground Hotdog on an unsuspecting public.
Seven is Darker

Zappa, you are either a comedic genius or very very disturbed.      Art M

Calvin Coolige, he's our man --- If he can't do it --- Nobody can!     Rita B

I am very very Happy to be here at the Beach with Miss Six and I know Prank will call a fair fight.    Mr. Happy

Is that Val and Six wrestling over Dick?....Wow ........Zappa your series on the Presidents has us rolling in the aisle and wondering if we will finally get the scoop on Bush!   Colo

 

Yeah... that Hoover guy was hot.  Kristin

 

Sometimes, just for kicks, I will show up at job interviews wearing a bloody clown suit, weilding an equally bloody and roaring chainsaw.

Man, that's a real hoot!

Randy420

How do you measure time when it's a lifes journey you are on.  To seek out, to explore, to fulfill, to experience all that life has to offer or place in front of you.  My Dearest Belle, you were placed in front of me, for me to see, feel, experience and taste the love that is inside you.  Never have I ever had the chance to prepare myself for what has been such a remarkable journey with you.  Never would I ever, choose to change anything about it or you.  You are the perfect one, as you are, in my eyes.   The Yankee

 

 

"BE MY BABY"

A BLOGSTREAM MOVIE

BY LUCY

 

Hey everyone, I am editing the Blogstream Baby Blog Movie for it's premiere tomorrow night. 

If you haven't sent a pix to me and would like to, please PM me and let me know by tonight...

It's coming out really cute...thanks everyone who participated...see you tomorrow night!

BLOGSTREAM GRADUATION MOVIE

BLOGSTREAM HAPPY FEET MOVIE

(sorry, I couldn't find the complete version - this is all I have...)