Because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapor lock.
VICTORIA 
So, I googled "hot wet virgin"...
RANDY
I don't remember "send left over Vodka to Lucy" in my recipe...?
BELLE
Looking For Lucy, be sure to tune in next week for my Moonshine Mousse recipe.
MOONSHINE RECIPES
The secret recipes they don't want ordinary folk to know. Get hold of these secret recipes and make your own beer, liquers, wine and moonshine. Treat your friends and family to your own private collection.
BELLE
I did see that Lucy:
"...store in a covered jar or cock...pot "
Of course, you know, trying to slip a cock past me is like trying to slip daylight past a rooster.
BELLE
Big Chris had to explain "cool beans" to me Lucy....lol
ICE
I once made up a Dirty Twelve Days of Christmas song...
We had cherries popping and dongs a flopping and one humungous dick ....does that count ?
POLAR BEAR
BELLE: Can you drive a stick Randy ?
RANDY: Every night, before I fall asleep Belle.
I'm just saying !
BELLE: What was the last naughty thing you did Randy & does anyone know about it ?
RANDY: Let's just say it involved battery cables and whipped cream Belle.
BELLE: Why did Grandma get run over by a reindeer Biggie-T ?
BIGGIE-T: Didn't you hear, her Clapper malfunctioned Belle.
Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny.
If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
RANDY
Not a good idea to send up smoke signals Lucy.....especially with all these reindeer falling from the sky.
You better hope Bubba and Nub don't find out,
they'll be over shootin'...
BELLE
Thanks for sparing me Lucy...dont want no tally wacky booger doodle on my pizza !
No sir ree Bob !
BOB
POLAR BEAR
LUCY: Relax, Fuzzy and have a drinky-poo.
FUZZY: At my age Lucy, poo has nothing to do with a drinky.
It's so funny to watch these animals play.
The cats will get up on their hind legs and make mean noises to tease the dogs, and the dogs tip them over with their noses and then get pounced on.
You probably wouldn't see this in the wild...like...a mountain lion playing with a wolf.
Well...unless the lion was raised by wolves.
Like I was.
Actually, it was just for an hour.
And by wolves of course I mean sock puppets.
KRISTIN
Reasons Why Santa Can't Possibly Be A Man:
Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet.
Men would feel their masculinity is threatened...having to be seen with all those elves.
Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described even in jest as anything remotely resembling a "bowlful of jelly."
Having to do the 'Ho Ho Ho' thing would seriously inhibit their ability to pick up women.
Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment.
BOOKWORM
According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game:
While both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter.
Female reindeer retain their antlers untill the spring.
Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, EVERY single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a girl.
We should've known.
ONLY women would be able to drag a fat-ass man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost.
NUTTY MOM OF 6
Dear Santa:
If you're hauling big ticket items this year I'd like fingerprint resistant windows and a radio that only plays adult music; a television that doesn't broadcast any programs containing talking animals; and a refrigerator with a secret compartment behind the crisper where I can hide to talk on the phone.
MADIE
VICTORIA
SYBIL
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