Overheard in the Stream Saturday

SPEAKERS ON PRETTY PLEASE

THIS WEEK'S STAFF OF SLUETHS

LOOSELIPS

MISS INCOGNITO

THE BARE FAX

WILDCHERRY

BAM BAM

HEAD DICK:

SHERLOCK'S SISTER

Favorite quoted blogger on Overheard !

Congratulations Belle and Randy !!

Please vote for your favorite Overheard Quote this week via your comment...

At the end of 2007, I will compile a list to vote from.

And we will have the funniest quote of the year.

Uh oh, Lucy is here....

I have the right to remain silent.

If I give up that right, anything I say can and will be used against me in Overheard.

BELLE

Yeah Belle, I dont do pasties either !

I swallowed one once and someone had to do the HindLicky on me.

POLAR BEAR

*In Hastings, Neb:

No couple, even if they are married, are allowed to sleep together in the nude.*

(Who enforces this law? Do they post deputies outside of everyone's windows at night to make sure the law is upheld ?)

*In Coeur d’Alene, Idaho:

Police aren’t allowed to walk up and knock on a car window.

Any officer who suspects that sex is taking place must drive up from behind, honk his horn three times and wait approximately two minutes before getting out of his car to investigate.*

(Who says the law doesn’t have a little respect ?

If he’d show up with a beer and a cigarette he might even get a promotion. )

*In Cali, Columbia:

A woman may only have sex with her husband and the first time this happens, her mother must be in the room to witness the act.*

(Does the mother score the act?

7 for technique, 10 for difficulty, 6 for presentation ?)

*In Hong Kong:

A betrayed wife is legally permitted to kill her husband but may do so only with her bare hands.

She may kill her husband’s lover, on the other hand, in any manner she desires.*

(There are some laws that the US should adopt)

SYBIL

I feel lost.

I feel as if I could grow 3 heads, 7 legs and tentacles and still not make this all work.

MACKENZIE

Maybe I’m thinking too much.

And maybe I should quit asking myself all of these questions.. Maybe I’ll ask more later.

Yeah.

Maybe.

SCRATCH

My husband trying to get me to go flying with him....

The plane was so small, it looked as if it fell off a charm bracelet:

HIM: I have never been hit by a drunk driver in my plane.
ME: I have never been hit by one in my car.

HIM: If you're scared, say you're scared.
ME: Okay. I'm scared. How's that?

HIM: Trust me.
ME: Nope. That line is why I have my oldest daughter. Try again...

HIM: This is beautiful country if you see it from a plane.
ME: And so it is. I Googled the satellite image.

HIM: If the engine coughs, I know what to do.
ME: I don't have to worry about hurtling to the ground in my car, and it "coughs" all the time.

SLICK

QUESTION: Thing you most like to see on your significant other?

ANSWER: Me

BELLE

I feel like my tail feathers have been shook....

CRACKER

BELLE QUESTION: What time is it?

ANSWER: It's time to wet my willy.... oh wait, I dont have a willy !

QUESTION: Something you don't understand about the opposite sex?

ANSWER: Why men's balls itch so much ?

I mean like, dont they wash 'em and if so why do they have to keep feeling 'em?

Are they just checking to see if they're still there or what ?

POLAR BEAR

BELLE QUESTION: Last time you were embarrassed ?

ANSWER: I slipped on a bathroom floor in a church, and swore when I fell.

My brother-in-law was in the mens room and heard me.

He went and told everyone that they can't take me out in public because I don't know how to behave myself.

SHERRY

BELLE QUESTION: Last article of clothing you bought for yourself?

ANSWER: Turkey Ovary Ear Muffs

BELLE QUESTION: What is your birthstone ?

ANSWSER: I was NOT stoned at my birth....at least I don't think so.

QUESTION: Have you ever sang in public?

ANSWER: Yes...it's also the only time I have ever been shot !

QUESTION: Do you sell on eBay?

ANSWER: I have myself for sale on eBay right now !

A STEAL at just 5 bucks !

QUESTION: Do you have more guy friends or girl friends ?

ANSWER:  I dunno...whoever is awake at 3 am in the morning.

QUESTION: Do you have any framed photos on your nightstand, if so who?

ANSWER: Yes.

Myself and Granny from the "Beverly Hillbillies".

QUESTION: Last person to take your photo?

ANSWER:  The chick at the jailhouse !

QUESTION: Last board game you played and did you win?

ANSWER:  Nude Twister !

HELL yea, I won !

EVERYBODY wins at Nude Twister though.

QUESTION: Best thing anyone ever told you ?

ANSWER:  "Bend me right over this fax machine, Randy."

RANDY

BELLE QUESTION:   Last time you were embarrassed?

ANSWER: When I used the restroom facilities at the mall and my zipper was errrr...open.

I guess I walked around for an hour or so with the thing wide open.

Mr. Happy! always wanted to see the holiday shopping scene and he sure got an eye full that day !

PRANK

Let's see.......

The best thing I GOT for Christmas was a Tonya Harding bobblehead doll, and the best thing I GAVE for Christmas was the same stupid Tonya Harding bobblehead doll to some idiot who set in on fire in the town square while we sang Christmas carols around it, wearing our beaver speedos, and our wombat furred beenies which had the propellors spinning in the icy wind..

Frankly, I regret being involved in THAT...

RANDY

They don't make them like James Brown anymore.

Passion had a voice....

COLO

(Editor's note: What the hell was Michael Jackson doing at his funeral anyway? )

Lucy, it would be an absolute blast if we could hook up somewhere. We would have to find a state that would be convenient to both of us to visit...and

With lax disturbing the peace laws.

NIGHT BUG

I always end up cracking myself up and then I get all these strange looks and somehow it just isn't as funny when I try to tell 'em !

Plus, I end up laughing so hard I sound like SnarfyThe Dog !

POLAR BEAR

BEST EXCUSE FOR BIG HAIR:

Hey, no fair, some of that hair was Christmas tree !

RITA B

Ice: Aw shucks, it's too late ...

I can see it now...

Sheriff: She a friend of yall's ?

Ice: Yeah, she's from Alabamy, just down here for a party.

Sheriff: Yeah, well that's all fine and good but she just blew the clock out of the courthouse.

Ice: Come to think of it, I've really never seen her before.

ICE

BELLE QUESTION: Describe your favorite place to be.

ANSWER: Anywhere there is free beer.

BIGGIE T

BELLE QUESTION: True or False:

"If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with?"

ANSWER: That depends on whether I have batteries or not.

SHERRY

BELLE QUESTION: One of your favorite possessions?

ANSWER: The 'nads of my ex husband.

BELLE QUESTION: Are diamonds a girls best friend ?

ANSWER: No... a good divorce lawyer is.

SIX

I'm still holding out for 'Ugly Is The New Handsome'...

MR. ORNERY

I wish someone would deliver a pizza to me like the one that came on your blog today....

A 'Laugh and a Snack' at Lucy's.

COLO

Oh Lawdy... Lawd !

They will revoke my 'Properly Brought Up Southen Belle' card

for sure!

BELLE

If anyone needs me, I will be hiding under Biggie-T's Chia Pet.

BELLE

Excuse me, I need to water my Chia Pet.

Ooops, sorry Belle, didn't see ya there !

BIGGIE-T

That okay T.

Just be careful with that sprinkler from now on.

BELLE

Let us first and above all remember:

The Golden Blogging Rule

What happens at Lucy's...stays at Lucy's.

BELLE

(Peeking out from behind Chia Pet)

I admit nothing Lucy.

(closing Chia Pet)...

Dang T...watch it...that was my ear.

BELLE

It must be a very hairy Chia-Pet Belle !

LUCY

That's it..hold him down Belle, while I heat up the wax...
I think we need to perform a Brazilian on Tommy.
Don't fight it Tommy....
It's a jungle down there !

LUCY

NOOOOO !

Cha cha cha chia !

CHA CHA CHA CHI.....AAA !

Ah the humanity !!!

BIGGIE-T

Don't fight it Tommy, it's for your own good

and for the good of society.

LUCY

I think we should ALL be in a padded room, Chey.

LUCY

I for one think we should all be in a padded room wearing

padded bras.

BIGGIE T

Boobies rock !

It's kinda like that old TV jingle:

"Nobody doesn't like Sarah Lee".

Nobody doesn't like boobies.

Even gay boys.

BIGGIE-T

Oh Chey...my bras are bigger than my brain...

wait a second, I don't wear a bra.

LUCY

This is my next question, Lucy...

What are we all doing UP

at 5 o'clock in the morning?

PRISONER OF HOPE

5:23 AM

Well, I am ready to have a hot Cuban sandwhich...

what are you doing up POH?

LUCY

5:26 AM

Lucy, I highly recommend that you post a warning on the next "Overheard" regarding the dangers of reading it at four in the morning along with that first cup of coffee.

It doesn't feel that great passing through the nose.

PUPPY

5:28 AM

I just love reading your Over Heard on Saturdays....

Ok...on Sundays...

LOVER2

6:30 AM

And what's with all you Streamers up all night ??!!

I missed EVERYTHING !!.....

The Brazilians, the party, the sex....oh wait...not the sex.

DO I HAVE TO STAY UP ALL NIGHT WITH YOU GUYS SO I DON'T MISS ANY FUN ??!!

PILAR

12:19 PM

It is really enlightening to visit your post and see all these bloggers letting their pants, I mean, hair, down.

WHIT

Great synopsis of the Stream's

Comin's and goin's Lucy.

No pun intended of course.

RUBY

I think Belle was hitting the cough syrup pretty hard this week !

RANDY

Can't blame it on cough syrup Randy.

Lack of sleep and PMS would be closer to the truth.

BELLE

I should be deeply ashamed at my behavior.

All I can say in my defense is, it was that time of month...

You know...when my medication has run out.

BELLE

Spied on in the future?

I really need to start combing my hair and getting fully dressed

on the weekends...

Note To Self:

No More Nekkid Blogging

SLICK

Why, you'd be surprised at how many people think

I'm just annoying !

Being "slick" comes easy, I work hard at "annoying".

SLICK

Just please don't ever rat me out to my Momma !

She already thinks she raised me wrong somehow !

I can't even go to Bingo with her anymore since I wore

The Grim Reaper T-shirt and banged my head on the table.....

SLICK

Imagine, I am at a cocktail party and trying to strike up a conversation...

How many friends will you make talking about quarks and the universe expanding faster and faster ?

Not many (unless you are at a sci-fi convention).

But tell them a lion and whale have bones in their penises and

pigs orgasm for 30 minutes....

Okay that may not make me any friends either but is more fun..

CHANDA

Ugh, I would never put a toothbrush in a puddle of water on the sink edge.

With my aim, it might not be water.

FUZZY

It's disgusting to see the guys I work with walking into the bathroom with newspapers, magazines or worse yet, books from the employee library.

And oh yeah....please spray !

Or for God sakes... LIGHT A MATCH !!

PILAR

You do realize that if Whit wanders through, he will be rolling his eyes, which is much more difficult than the Germanic and Scottish tendency to 'roll rrrrrs', which in turn takes us off on an entirely new tangent.

But at least it steers us away from the tacky subject of spray-on condoms, French or German.

Teflon condoms, on the other hand ...

Well, not 'on the other hand', though Whit did suggest spray-on gloves ...