speakers on....
Over Heard in New York Saturday
Cashier: $2.99? That's cheap!
Female customer: That ain't cheap for my Trojans!
Cashier: No, I mean that's cheap, like, on sale.
Female customer: Don't be puttin' no bad vibe on my condoms!
--Duane Reade, 34th Street
Girl #1: I just don't know what he sees in me.
Girl #2: Maybe the same thing you see in him.
Girl #1: Well, I like him because his dad's a mortician.
--Park Slope
Black teenage girl on cell: I don't care if he is a skinny white dude. I'm telling you right now, as long as I don't have my period I'm gonna screw that cracker.
--7th Ave, Park Slope
Annoyed friend: Yeah, I like what you did with your hair. Seriously, it's a nice look for you.
Vain guy: Thanks. You know, I'm always amazed at how a good haircut can drive away the usual enthusiasm for suicide.
Annoyed friend: Hold on. It doesn't look that good.
--Union Square
A teen girl punches her father repeatedly in the arm.
Older sister: You know he can't feel that, right? He's wearing a leather jacket.
Teen girl: What?
Older sister: Yeah, that's why motorcyclists wear leather, so they don't get their skin scraped off when they go sliding across the pavement.
Teen girl: Oh! So if I punch a cow, it can't feel it?
--The Plaza
Asian guy: Yo, nigger.
Black guy: Fuck you. You ain't my nigger.
--90th St, Elmhurst
Vendor: Crackerjacks! Crackerjacks!
Very drunk woman: Crackerjacks?! What about LSD??
--Keyspan Park, Coney Island
Teen girl #1: Whoa, are those apples really all in perfect rows?
Teen girl #2: Whole Foods has really out-yuppied itself this time.
--Whole Foods, Columbus Circle
Girl: Would you be interested in hearing about a fun place where children can learn?
Man: No, I'm not allowed because I'm a registered felon.
Girl: Well, have a nice day!
--outside SCORE! Educational Center, Union Turnpike
Thirty-something mom: Just to be clear, it isn't a vibrator. It's just a dildo.
--TKTS line
Guy: I've pissed the bed before. Hell, [gesturing towards girl] I've pissed on her!
--48th & 8th
Guy on cell: So you're expecting the crackhead's knife to be sterilized?
--outside Grand Central
Fat, middle-aged female crossing guard: Every time I do that I shit the bed.
--29th St & 30th Ave, Astoria
Guy: If I'm going to swallow sperm it has to be for love. That's just how I feel, man.
--Outside the Wintergarden Theater
Club-hopper: I don't like that bar. But it's a good scene if you want a 700-pound gay Republican sitting on your face.
--Typhoon, 18th & 8th
Hobo: I wish my girlfriend was here! We went to the supermarket fifteen years ago, and she never came back. "I'll be right back," she said, but she never came back! Sixteen years, and I'm giving up.
--64th & Broadway
Limo driver: Here you go, sir.
Donald Trump: Is this the Mercrdes one I wanted?
Limo driver: No, sir, it is a Buick.
Donald Trump: Well, I'll ride in it this time, but next time it better be a Mercedes. I have class.
--Trump Building, Pine & Wall
Toddler: Daddy, do you have your period?
Daddy: No. Only mommies get periods.
Mom whispers: Daddy has diarrhea.
Toddler to waitress: Mommy has her period and Daddy has diarrhea!!
--TGI Friday's, Times Square
Guy: Yo, so did you do the AIDS walk thing?
Girl: No. I don't have AIDS.
Hobo: Not yet she doesn't.
--Columbus Circle
Tourist #1: Ha! Look at her, she's trying to look just like Bernadette Peters.
Tourist #2: That is Bernadette Peters and she heard you. Can we go now?
--51st & 5th
Dad: Ok, ok, it's two outs, we'll go after this batter.
Boy: Dad, I want water!
Dad: You know what I see? An impatient little boy who can't wait five minutes.
Boy: You know what I see? Someone who's gonna have their face broken because they didn't have any water!
--Yankee Stadium
Girl #1: Ben's hot, but I think he's gay.
Girl #2: No way. Why?
Girl #1: He asked me if my carpet matches my drapes.
Girl #2: I don't think he's gay.
Girl #1: Oh yeah?
Girl #2: Call him up and tell him he can chew on your carpet!
Girl #1: What?
--Central Park
Twentysomething guy: The quality of life here is so bad...I mean, if you enjoy drinking all night and having random sex, you'll like living in New York.
--5th Ave & 9th St
Girl: Fuck nice! I am a born and bred New Yorker, I don't care for nice. I dont' want to be nice, I want to be right! Fuck nice!
--O'Neil's Irish Bar ladies' room, 3rd Avenue
Courtesy of: http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/
