I didn't blog yesterday. I was extremely tired due to the fact I was up at 4:30 am. Ambien is not doing the trick lately.

Let's see. I ignored Angel on Wed, even after he apoligized to me. I also blew him off last night due to the fact I was still sore. I think it is do to the meds I am on. At 11:30 he said he would go out and buy something for me for a vaginal infection. I told him #1 I don't have a yeast infection and #2 If I had a broken arm he wouldn't run out to the store for me. This was purely selfish on his part. Duh. He said I will be gently. Gee thanks but no thanks.

Yesterday we also filed papers for bankruptcy. I asked myself why I was not upset and came to the conlcusion that $60 in debt is more upsetting. That can't touch my condo with chapter 7 so that gives me somewhat relief.

After we signed the papers we went to a Cuban restaurant. First warning this was not going to be a wonderful experience, we were the only ones in the joint. It was very clean and very nicely decorated. The second clue was that there was no toilet paper in the immaculate ladies' room. Drip, drip, drip dry. Gross.

Papa's food came out first and Angel had ordered him off the children's menu steak, french fries and white rice. I tasted the steak and fries (cheated on my diet) and both were good. Then they brought out our assortment of Cuban food on a platter. It was so gross. Everything was fried, dry and tasteless. I felt guilty and didn't complain since I was the one who suggested Cuban food. We were better off going to a slimy joint that passed food more quickly. I think our dinner was from a week ago reheated.

The highlight of the last few days was I got my Oprah book in the mail Wed. I am half way done. It is called A Million Little Pieces. It is a biography of a self proclaimed Alcholic, Drug Addict, Criminal. It is a page turner just as Oprah promised. Excellent choice ! I love, love, love biographies.

Yesterday I was 176, today I am 179 - thus the fried carbs I ate yesterday. I really want a sub for dinner tonight but I know it's a no no. I may just do it anyway. And of course we will drink, drink, drink.

Lost wasn't that good Wed. night. Alot of flash backs to the previous show. Medium sucked too this week as well as Dr. Phil.
Survivor is pretty good as well as the Amazing Race. I called my dad and Rose again to watch the Chris Rock Show and it was not as funny as last week. I talked to Bob and gave my regrets for his dad passing away last week, he was 83.

I also talked to my friend Denise who just found out she has cervical cancer. Sucks - she is only 38. Never ends. She is upbeat though. She is on Zoloft, Xanex & Ambien like me with a twist of Valium. I hope she is going to be okay. She tried to press me to come see her house she is renting. I just can't commit right now and I know Angel would not be interested. I'd rather go to Pizza Uno's where my sister works and have a bite to eat to catch up on things. We have been friends since about 7th grade.

Amanda and April are well. They called last night fighting with Kenny about money. He is so unreasonable. Not even worth going into. The kids know that. April woke me up at 6:30 am this morning to ask for a ride 12 hours later to Boonton. What am I going to say at that unGodly hour? Angel took my van to work to fill up the gas tank. Gas is going down to about $3 a gallon. I'm not sure if I can drive her as promised. Amanda really wants to move back in here. I don't even know where to start with that room. I have to somehow move the bunk bed and spongebob bed down to Joe & Mom's shore house.
I am so proud of Amanda and worried about April.

Angel was not the best 3 year old yesterday. Full of piss and vinegar. He likes to stand on the kitchen table and point his finger at me and say I am mad !! How can I not laugh. I must get him out of the house today, it is beautiful out. This weekend is supposed to be 80 degress out. So........ nice !

Also, recieved my other books - The Bell Jar & Janice Pennington. I am still waiting for Those Bones (I think it is called).

Mom is in Washington DC going to a 400 guest, black tie wedding with Joe. He must think he plucked her out of Mayberry. She has never been to Washington. I just don't see her enjoying the museums as much as I would.

Dad has a bit of an atitude. He is stressed out over David.

Oh, Papa just woke up. Gotta go. Maybe talk later.

Must comment on the upcoming court battle with Janice the lunatic !

To start with today - it is absolutely beautiful outside.
Did my usual morning routing. Paper, puzzle, cigs, green tea, yoga & now I added oatmeal. I lost another pound. Cleaned the bathroom thoroughly.

Last night, Angel didn't get home until about 7:30 pm - he had to show Saloma's house. I cooked a delicous dinner, flounder with lemon sauce & capers and also broccoli - garlic - parmesean. It was delicious. I gave them left over rice from the night before since I gave up carbs. Before he got home I took the baby on an adventure; a walk around the condo looking at nature. He is quite mischievous. He chased a rabbit around the park and I got winded cause he does not listen to me. Angel thinks I should be firm but instead I just try to keep up.

Anyway, tried to get to bed early - 10:30 - which Angel is not too happy about. He thinks I do this because I am bored with him when in reality I am tired of sleeping all day. I have been getting so much done lately rising early and staying up and taking a short cat nap if needed in between. Anyway we watched the Amazing Race. I never watched it before, it was pretty good actually. It was also local to us, Brooklyn, Delaware River & Philadelphia. It is a family version of the show.

So, we get into bed and the baby conks out pretty quickly. Of course I know I have to perform my wifely duties whether I am into it or not. Upon penetration, I saw stars. I am very sore down there and it was ripping. He didn't care and kept at it. I said it hurts so hurry up. To my surprise he actually stopped. I went to the bathroom and came back to bed and of course he accuses me of either faking it or having an affair. This just proves he has mental problems. I was so mad at him I could have smacked him. Then he gets up, goes to my side of the bed and with a condescing look said he had one thing to say. I said to him you better watch every fucking word you say to me cause right now I feel like stabbing you in the fucking face I am so mad. That feeling reminded me of when I use to get pissed off at Billy (not sexual problems). How fucking dare he? I can't even put into words how pissed off I am. We have sex EVERY SINGLE day - maybe I am a bit sore. Ass fucking hole.

So this morning I came home from work and the baby was up watching tv and Angel was on the computer. He didn't say much except good bye and I didn't even look up at him and said bye. He said I guess we are not talking. I just looked up at him and gave him a dirty look and said get out, just get out.

I know him. I have a dentist appointment at 4 pm and he was to come home early to watch the baby. Amanda has work and April has detention. I have had a cavity for over a year now. So, I called up and left a message at the dentist and said I needed to reschedule since I have bronchitis. Just not worth it to beg him to come home early. I am livid. He seriously needs help.

My first time to relax.
Went to work this morning, came home drank my green tea, read the paper did my puzzle. Said goodbye to Angel.

I called Amanda first thing this morning cause she forgot to pick up her birth control pills and AJ was here all weekend. She came and got them before school. Looks like she drives 3 other people to school besides April.

Checked my email, woke up the baby. We watch I Love Lucy in the mornings now. 11:30 actually, he seems to enjoy it. Lucy is pregnant right now. Too, too funny.

I made Papa and I scrambled eggs, ham and cheese. It was so good. I was starving. Oh I weight 180.6 down from 186 yesterday. Amazing what no carbs does.

I cleaned the house, dusted the living room and did laundry. I cancelled David's cable bill as per my mom and since he will be moving soon. I am really pissed off that he spent the deposit money for his new apartment which he probably won't even get at this point. Both of my parents are livid.

I wrote two post dated checks for April's CCD. She is going to fight me tooth and nail with this one. The child who wanted to be a nun. (I did to when I was a little girl).

Just got back from Shop Rite. Angel said to spend $100 but I spent $135. I just don't know what anything costs.

I am going to relax right now and wait for Dr. Phil to come on. This new season isn't that great. Oprah should be good tonday - celebrity updates.

It is absolutely beautiful today. Yesterday it was hot, humid and showers. Today is just a perfect day. I will take the baby to the park later. I have a headache. I just took my meds. Oh Martin's mother came out today to say that Martin was not ready. Seems he threw a fit. He used the "N" word yesterday at school and his mother was furious. Plus she also has bronchitis. I feel bad for that family. Such nice people.

Yesterday I did not post. I finally awoke from my comatose state at about 5 pm. Saturday night Angel and had a great time doing what we always do. We were taping each other with the video camera and he kept insisting on me showing my large boobs. Shyly I declined, but everytime he turned his back I would flash and make faces at him. It was quite hysterical watching this together at about 4 am. Half way through his Cuban hard on came and it is time to drop everything and satisfy him. Well of course he acted like an ass. I finally laid down on the cough naked with a cool breeze from the fan blowing on me and he got pissed off again. I just let him do me - expressionless and not bodiiy coooperating. I was so pissed off I took a whole Ambien and went to sleep.

The next day he had to work floor time real estate at 2 pm. He got home at about 5:30 and took a nap. Sometime in the interim the baby got up and made a mess. I felt very guilty about this.

April called from the Raiders football game (they lost to Totowa). I picked up her and her friends and went to McDonald's to get the baby dinner. April & her friends didn't want anything.

All day Angel kept asking me what was the matter. I said what could possibly be the matter, should I be made at you? This went on and on all day. He can be so annoying. He feels guilty yet does not feel inclined to apologize to me for being a neanderthal.

Amanda stopped by for a few minutes. AJ surprised her with a visit. She said she was taking off from school today to spend time with him. Also, Kenny let her sleep at his house last night. She also stated she still wants to move back in with me. She and April sleep at Kenny's at night cause he has the $$$ to spoil them and also he has 3 bedrooms, we only have two. I told her I have to redo the bedroom for her.
We ate nacho chips and dip and watched Desperate Housewives, Breaking Bonaduce (excellent) and My Fair Brady. We went to bed.

Today I got up and went to work. I walked in the door about 9:30 am and Angel said what took you so long. So rude. I said I drive as fast as I can where do ya think I was. Mean while he wasn't even showered for work yet and he is rushing me. I still haven't told him we are a month passed due on our mortgage. Didn't want to ruin the weekend.

My mother called me when I was reading the paper and doin my puzzle and said that David spent his deposit money for his apartment. Never ends with him. I try my best to defend him and he does something stupid like this. She also needs to borrow a gown from me. I have plenty of gorgeous dresses but they will probably all be too long on her.

Well I started my diet - I am 186 lbs. Gained 20 back from the 40 I lost. I did Yoga today. And so far I haven't eaten anything yet.

Blog more later.

So, last night was fun with Angel. We sang and danced and drank and drank some more. We conked out about 3 am - sex and then bed. I actually slept on the couch for some reason. I watched Tammy Fay eyes that I tivo'd. Drunk. lol Got up early this morning to go join Angel and the baby in bed and couldn't even walk I was so weak.
I guess the bronchitis, meds and drinking got to these weary old bones. I also watched CNN's broadcast of Hurricane Rita. Thank God it wasn't as bad as Hurrican Katrina or Karina as Mrs. Bush likes to call it. What an ignorant person. Why oh why did this country elect this maniac/cowboy into office. He is Satan.

My new thing is to do my scratchies and give Angel only a $1 winner. I hide the other winners from him. My plan is to get up to $100 and buy that much worth of new tickets to finally strike the big win !

I burnt an awesome CD for Karen for her birthday. It was last week but I kinda missed it cause of my illness. I put lots of great songs on it that reminds me of her. She is absolutely going to love it. I still have to get her a gift. Maybe just scratch-off's?

My dream...........

Today we got up around 1:30 so we could all go to Lincoln Park Day.
Met my cousin Carli there and her sister in-law Felicia and also her
friend Wendy. We hung out on the bleachers and watched Carli's husband's band play. Fred is the lead singer and is pretty good.
Never saw him sober before so I liked him better in the past.
Also, my Aunt Charlotte was there with my second cousin Hannah.

The day was absolutely spectacular, similiar to 9/11. Clear skies, soft breeze and the smell of cotton candy (then John walked over - lol)

Amanda.........AJ

We walked around a bit. Ran into John my brother in law who works
for the town. He gets over time with these evnets picking up garbage. I honestly don't think I could do that, especially since I grew up in this town.

We looked at all the flea market stuff and would up only purchasing
Papa (Angel Jr.) a little fishing game with magnets and little fishy.
He had a hot dog, I had water. Oh, had to sneak a cigarette with John lurching around. My family does not know I smoke (denial) but
having bronchitis and smoking they would freak out.

David and his girfriend Kelly were there too. David couldn't wait for us to get there cause I had to give him some money from his bank account. I got the dubious honor to handle all of his money. He gave notice to his landlord (eviction looms) before he even looked at a new apartment. His social worker said this was okay? So, he called to say he wanted it and they have yet to call him back. My mother always said he would wind up on the streets. Nice to say about one's son, huh?

I finally gave Carli her birthday present. Her big day was in August but I haven't seen her since. I bought her a Sister Mary Merlot (nun)
pot holder and towel set. We have an ongoing inside joke about Nunzillas. She absolutely loved it. I also gave her some of my Xanax and Ambien precriptions, which she loved and immediately took one of the X. Angel bought her pot but smoked it a while ago. She waited to long to get her gifts........lol.

April & Jason......

We came home and I cooked Angel and the baby a big Cuban feast. Oh, by the way I bought Papa a little rubber bracelet that says Cuba on it. Cute. I had to call Angel's mom to find out how to properly cook fresh chorizo. She wanted to know if I got the picture of Angel taking a shit that the baby took of him - too funny. Hair sticking up, naked and pooping. In walks the baby and says Cheese ! lol
My mom said we should send it out as our Christmas card this year. lol

While I cooked Angel watched Gangs of NY. I watched for like 10 mins and it lost my interest. April said it was a great movie, a little too violent for my taste. Angel said it was okay. What a long movie. We were both curious if this was a historic movie so I looked it up on the internet and sure enough it was. Most of the main characters are now bured in Brooklyn. Twas the day the Irish became white !! I'm not sure I get why during the Draft riots blacks were killed. I guess they resented the fact that they got off the boat from Ireland and were immediately drafted cause they could not pay the $300 to dodge the draft even though they were promised 3 squares a day.

Judy emailed me today. Judy was Annie's childhood best friend. She lives now in N. Carolina. She is a little rough around the edges but we have this common bond - missing our Annie. She suggested to me to read LOvely Bones. Funny cause I read an article about the author. A displaced NJ girl who still gets flack about the stigma of being from NJ. I sent the article to DAwn in San Fran and she said she could relate to the piece. She also suggested I read the book. So after Judy's prompting last week I ordered it from Amazon.com. They have such terrific books for under $5 each. I ordered the Janice Pennington book after she admitted on the Surreal World that her father was a pedophile. She also fucked many celebrities like Mick Jager. I guess she was arond during the Studio 54 days - which I just love. Andy Warhol, Bianca, Robert Mapplethorpe, sex, drugs and rock n roll. Thems were the days !! Too bad I was just a little girl at the time and missed my chance at orgies and cocaine. lol

Okay talk some more later & spell check and add some adjectives.